GK and I had a fight on Labor Day weekend which resulted in us taking a break so to speak. We have been talking a lot about everything and he wants me to come see him this weekend which I have agreed to. It�s going to be weird. I know that I should have told him about my depression and anxiety but I didn�t feel comfortable when we first met and then, when I finally did, I wasn�t sure how to tell him. He called me last night for a couple minutes to make sure I was still coming down this weekend. I asked him if he wanted me to and he said yes, because he doesn�t know when he�ll get to see me again, which made me feel good. He also told me he loves me before I said it to him. That�s a step in the right direction.
I also found out on Friday that my Grandma Rivas is in the hospital. She�s had another stroke. This time, it�s pretty bad. They have decided not to do anything other than make her as comfortable as possible which basically means, give her drugs until she dies. She�s lived a long and full life. I just wish things could have been different for her. She�s lived with a man these last few years that is co-dependant and it�s not been good for her. I think things would have been much better for if she�d been with my mom. My Aunt Phyllis doesn�t give a shit about her. As a matter of fact Phyllis married the man that beat up my Grandma. That�s a whole other story that�s seriously messed up. I never realized just how dysfunctional my family really is. It�s sad. Anyway, I won�t be going to the funeral. I have too much going on here to even try. I will have my own farewell for her and move on. I just hope that it happens quickly, for her sake.
GK called me at lunch today. It was a nice surprise but every time the phone rings and it�s him, I get a pain in my chest. It sucks; I just hope that after I see him it will go away. He asked me how my day was going and we talked a little about his weekend. I didn�t ask too many specifics because I don�t want to push. He called me Gorgeous which he hasn�t done in a week, well except when he was half asleep. I asked him if he wanted me to bring the bike and he told me if I want to. I�m not sure I want to haul it down there. Who knows how much riding we will actually do? I am really trying to keep an open mind about this all and go down there with the whole, whatever happens happens attitude. It�s just hard.
I ordered a couple books on Feng Shui. They should be here tomorrow night. I plan on spending a lot of time reading them in the next few days. Right now I will do anything I can to straighten my life out. I need to let go of old heart ache and start living my life. It�s not easy but it�s something I need to do for my sake.
