I was explaining to M what cause's it and he said something about having a lot of medical problems. I told him, that no matter how good I try to take care of myself I will ALWAYS have something. Why? Cause of how sick I was when I was born. I got delt a shitty hand from the get go and I just try to make the best of the situation. And it seems that as I get older the worse things get. I've been called a hypocondriact but I'm not. I don't complain about things until they are really bothering me. Maybe that's my problem, maybe I should complain in the begining instead of waiting. No cause the will only drive people further away. Anyway, I think I'm just gonna give up and let whatever happens happen. I don't care anymore and that's what scares me. I don't want to be a burden on my family or friends and I know that if I die my mom will get $250,000 from the Military which should pay off all my bills. Then they could see my stuff to get some of the money back. I know, I know it wouldn't make up for me not being here but if the physical pain I'm in now is even a 10th of what I'll go through when I get older. I think I'll pass.
